RIP

I saw a movie montage yesterday with a clip of a Heath Ledger movie. I heart Heath Ledger. So sad he is gone.

Last night, I had a crazy dream, where I witnessed someone get killed rather brutally (yikes) and then I was walking around all suspicious like, and didn't tell anyone what I saw. Today I sort of have a guilty conscience for no reason.

Then later in the dream, I was getting very intimate with Heath Ledger, who showed up out of nowhere. It was dreamy and sad all at the same time. I kept telling him all the movies I love that he made, making sure not to mention the obvious ones. I said "Monster's Ball" and "The Four Feathers" (which isn't a great movie, but Heath Ledger was good.)

I always think about what would happen if I met someone famous that I really liked. For example, if I met Kristen Stewart, I would tell her that I loved her in "Into the Wild" and "The Safety of Objects." I wouldn't say, "I love 'Twilight'" because while I am one of those, I will not openly admit to strangers that I am one of those.

Speaking of movies... I accidentally saw "Nine Lives" because it was on TV while I was flipping through channels. I highly recommend it. I especially loved the part with Robin Wright Penn and the part with Holly Hunter. Fortunately, it can be viewed on YouTube. The part with Robin Wright Penn is clips 4, 5, and 6. It's a series of vignettes that each last about 10-15 minutes. Awesome.

Good Week

I'm coming to the end of another week off, and it's been a good week. I got to see a wonderful friend, I got to visit with my mom, I got to enjoy some movies and books and I got to spend quality time with my husband and little boy.

Krista K. came to visit on Wednesday. We fed Owen some pears and then fed ourselves. I made buffalo chicken dip, and cut up a bunch of veggies and made some dip. I asked her what she wanted to do, and she said she wanted to watch Benjamin Button. I of course did not object. I cried (like always) at the part where he becomes a little boy, and she has to take care of him. Krista really liked it - but I hope she watches it again, because we were paying too much attention to Owey. I love Krista because we can spend six months not hanging out, and then when we finally do get together, it's like no time has passed. I can tell her ANYTHING, and she does not judge or make opinions, she only offers honest, unbiased reactions. She is a wonderful friend.

Sometime this week, I feel like I had some kind of awakening. I find myself feeling the way I used to about literature and film and art.... Maybe, the way I felt before I got married, found a serious job or had a baby. When I had time... Something about me wants to write again, or to throw clay on a wheel again. (God, I miss pottery.) I'm reminded of my favorite piece of art I ever made. The assignment was to create a female torso (my senior year of college I think), with some kind of text and texture on it. Because of my love for all things scandalous, I found an Emerson quote ("thou art to me a delicious torment") that was perfect and made this:

The hands were SO hard to make. I loved this project, but this, by far, remains the coolest thing I ever created:

But I have been reading a lot lately, I'm rereading A Widow for One Year, and I want to start/finish Love in a Time of Cholera, Unaccustomed Earth and a bunch of others. I've also been referred a few titles that sound appealing. I also read a new book by a friend who has yet to be published, but I have tremendous faith that he will.

Unfortunately, the only creative thing I have actually done myself this week has been cooking, which everyone knows I adore. The other night I made a dijon chicken salad with broccoli and tomatoes. It was an Ina Garten recipe - fantastic! So great I took a picture!

Progress on the house is going.... slow. Clint has taken down a small portion of the wallpaper in the hallway and I'm trying to decide on paint colors. We might have to hold off doing the bathroom, because one of our neighbors told me that the Co-op association may vote to replace several windows in all of the apartments, which will cost us a couple thousand dollars... Sigh... But this I can appreciate more than paying $1400 to repoint the bricks on the north side of the building, which does not affect me one little bit.

When Krista was here, she took a picture of me and Owen. It's not often that I post pictures of myself - but I didn't think I looked too hideous in this one :)

And why is it that almost every new shirt I have is either chocolate brown or white?

That is the end of the story.

"There was a little boy who didn't know if he wanted to be born. His mommy didn't know if she wanted him to be born, either. This is because they lived in a cabin in the woods, on an island, in a lake - and there was no one else around. And, in the cabin, there was a door in the floor. The little boy was afraid of what was under the door in the floor, and the mommy was afraid, too. Once, long ago, other children had come to visit the cabin, for Christmas, but the children had opened the door in the floor and they had disappeared down the hole, under the cabin, and all their presents had disappeared, too. Once the mommy had tried to look for the children, but when she opened the door in the floor, she heard such an awful sound that her hair turned completely white, like the hair of a ghost. And she smelled such a terrible smell that her skin became as wrinkled as a raisin. It took a whole year for the mommy's skin to be smooth again, and for her hair not to be white. And, when she'd opened the door in the floor, the mommy had also seen some horrible things that she never wanted to see again, like a snake that could make itself so small that it could sneak through the crack between the door and the floor - even when the door was closed - and then it could make itself so big again that it could carry the cabin on its back, as if the snake were a giant snail and the cabin were its shell. The other things under the door in the floor are so horrible that you can only imagine them. And so the mommy wondered if she wanted to have a little boy in a cabin in the woods, on an island, in a lake - and with no one else around - but especially because of everything that might be under the door in the floor. Then she though: Why not? I'll just tell him not to open the door in the floor!Well, that's easy for a mommy to say, but what about the little boy? He still didn't know if he wanted to be born into a world where there was a door in the floor, and no one else around. Yet there was also some beautiful things in the woods, and on the island, and in the lake.'Why not take a chance?' the little boy thought. And so he was born, and he was very happy. His mommy was happy again, too, although she told the little boy at least once every day, 'Don't you ever, not ever - never, never, never - open the door in the floor.' But of course he was only a little boy. If you were that boy, wouldnt you want to open that door in the floor?"

So many things.

Introducing Lily Kay Dillaman (Owen's future Mrs.) :)

Born June 2, 8lbs, 5oz - 21.5 inches long! Who would have thought Virginia would give birth to a linebacker? I'm so happy for you friend, and I'm glad to hear everything is going well. Can't wait to see you again!!

Owen can sit up for a hot minute before tumbling to the side. I think this will be the next milestone. He is also starting to get the idea of his bouncy/standing thing... seat. He puts his legs down and pushes off -- building up leg strength. Also, he doesn't want to ever lay back and be fed with a bottle. He tries to sit up whenever I lay him back. When he does lay back he tries to hold the bottle himself. He already has two teeth, and his current favorite foods are peas (mainly), squash and applesauce. He doesn't so much like bananas. Speaking of bananas, my new favorite thing is making banana nut bread with chocolate chips in it. Yum.

Clint will be mad that I posted a picture of him wearing his polar bear pants - but I just had to. They were watching TV. I love this picture :)

I did not do a single thing last week - except for read the Twilight Saga. Yes, I got sucked in. I scoffed at it, initially. Then it grabbed ahold of me by the throat and wouldn't let go until I had real all the books. I read a book a day, except for the last one, but HEY, it was 750 pages!!!! The addiction was so bad that I even read Midnight Sun, the alternate version shown from Edward's perspective instead of Bella's (available on Stephanie Meyer's website). Luckily, that is all over, now. Now it's just a matter of holding my breath until all four movies have been made and released.

Work has been pretty good. Friday night we were so busy that I felt like I was working for about 3 hours instead of 12. We had an unbelievable amount of work, and too few staff members. When I left work at 8am, we didn't have a single processor or proofreader. Only two people that I called for help answered the phone, out of about 6. But the rest of the weekend wasn't so busy. I think I could have slept all day Monday. I love having all week off. Clint and I want to go to Columbus soon. My mom and I are planning to go outlet shopping in Washington. All things that would have been reserved for weekends.

I spoke with my BFF Krista the other day -- I'm so excited for September! I'm looking up poems and whatnot, I promise. Why can't you guys live somewhere cool - maybe oceanside... This is the second time I will be going to Iowa in less than two years, and that is two times more than I ever thought I would be in Iowa in my entire life. :)

Clint is still partially laid off, but right now, it's for the third week in a row. I'm starting to worry.

I have a million things to do today.

This is the happiest thing I have ever witnessed, and I get to see it everyday. Clint is bouncing Owey on the bed and giving him kisses. I love being a mommy.

Happy Mother's Day.

Technically, this is my second Mother's Day. I found out I was pregnant on May 9, 2008. I had been having faintly positive tests for a few days, but I had false positives before and I didn't want to be devastated again. I took about four different kinds of tests, including the fancy digital ones, on May 8, 2008, and had the pregnancy confirmed on May 9 by blood test. Two days before Mother's Day. Clint got me Benjamin Button on DVD, and of course I sobbed like a little girl again. I love the story. It's one of my new favorites.


Owen had his 4-month check-up on Thursday. He weighs 15lbs, 1oz. and is 25 inches long. He's awesome in every way, and the only thing I said no to on his development questions was that he hasn't rolled over yet. I think he is going to be the type of baby to roll from back to front first. He swings his legs all over the place, and scoots himself around that way.

We took his 4-month photo shoot today:
This is how it started, with him sitting up against the pillow next to the bear.

Then, he started bucking his legs, scooting down....

And scooting further down....

Apparently, he didn't want to sit up just then. Because this is how he ended up...

Still adorable.

Mother's day consisted of waking up late, going to later service at church with my husband and mom - and Owen of course - to see Owey's best friend Alexander get baptized. Then we came back to our apartment, made some pizza and watched Benjamin Button. Then I talked to one of my favorite mothers - Cristie Kimmins! I can't wait to bring Owen to come and visit your brood sometime in June.

Here's Owen with my mother:

And Owen with his mother.

Happy Mother's Day!!

Photo Shoot

We decided to snap some shots of Owey-bug today. It was kind of warm in our apartment, so we let him go pants-less. The ottoman is the perfect size for the boy. Like the stool at the end of Michael and Jan's bed (from the Office!).



He smiles so much now. Today I had him sitting in front of me, and I kept saying "Are you a little flirt?" And every time I said it, he turned his face down and smiled shyly, So CUTE!

These were taken right after he had a 4-hour nap. He is always most pleasant right after he wakes up. A new development: if we notice that he is really tired and ready for a nap, we can lay him down awake, and he will turn his head to the side, start sucking his thumb and fall asleep within about 5 minutes. No crying, no feeding, no rocking. I think I have a little angel baby.

This last picture reminds me of how he looks when he's getting ready to giggle. So far, the things that make him giggle are tickling his arm-pits, his inner legs, his feet and his neck, while simultaneously making a tsst-tsst-tsst sound.

I heart you.


Owen is getting baptised tomorrow! More people than I thought are attending! I was touched to hear so many people wanted to come, considering it started out kind of a quiet event. Then my aunt said she wanted to come, and we decided to have a brunch at my mom's house afterwards, and then people started telling us they wanted to come! We also didn't invite too many people, because we are lunatics and go to church at 8:30 in the morning!!

Sadly, I found out today my aunt couldn't make it from North Carolina, which made me pretty sad. She's my Godmother, and I didn't think she would miss it! Also, I'm incredibly eager for her to meet my little boy. My mom and I talked about possibly taking a weekend and going for a visit sometime this summer.

That would also be something of a test run for a HUGE trip we are planning in September! We are going to Iowa to see Krista and Emily, and a plane would just be a bad idea (think of all the checked luggage!!) So, 11 hours one way in a car with a baby! We shall see...

I went to Sam's with my mom today to get some breakfast type things for the brunch tomorrow, which is now somehow at my house. On the menu: strawberries, assorted breakfast breads (strawberry, blueberry and chocolate), breakfast meats and potatoes, and I'm going to whip up some scrambled eggs with dill and cheese. I wish I liked eggs, alas, I will not eat them. I just make them. I'm not exactly sure how many people are coming, but maybe 7-8. It's suddenly become a to-do. I'm glad I'm taking Monday off from work.

In other work news, there was something of an opportunity recently, that I still have mixed feelings about. We are getting a new client at our site, and they have been doing interviews and testing for the past couple of weeks for anyone on our client who was interested in transferring. Of course I was interested if it meant that I could get a day-shift, so I could spend the evening at home with my family, have dinner together every night instead of just two nights a week, start Owen's bedtime routine when he gets tired and not when we have to, at 9pm when I get home from work... However, of all the things that transpired, currently and in the past with new clients, Clint and I just decided that it wasn't the right move for me. I think I had a good shot at a day shift, because I am a dual operator (processor and proofreader), and I have been there nearly two years. There are only a few people that had been there longer than me that would have wanted a day shift (which they also deserve, of course). Still, I hope that I have shown that I am dedicated to my current account, and hopefully at some point in the future I might be able to get a day-shift position. It's not the hardest thing now, but when he's a little older, I would love to get back to a "normal" working shift. It makes your entire life different. So, I am sad in a way, but I think it's for the best.

By the way, as much as I thought I would hate it, The Wrestler was a fantastic movie. Of course I had trouble with the dad-issues in it... but Mickey Rourke was fantastic. I'm sorry to say I think he deserved that Oscar over Sean Penn's Harvey Milk. (and I do love me some Sean Penn.) When I think of Mickey Rourke circa 9 1/2 Weeks and then see him in a movie like this, first of all, he has completely changed himself as a person, but he WAS his character. I tried to ignore all the stupid wrestling in it... but the story was really powerful, and I was totally impressed with Mickey Rourke. And of course, Darren Aronofsky, hello!

And Benjamin Button comes out on DVD soon! I want it for Mother's Day :). I think Mother's Day will always be a little extra special for me, because last year, I found out I was pregnant a couple days before Mother's Day! Clint got me a present :)

OK, a lot to do still, enjoy the pictures.

One more time...

So, because my husband keeps closing my window of my partially updated-haven't been saved-I'll get back to it later-and then the window and whatever I wrote is now gone forever-blog, I will be typing this for the third time.

Everything on the home front is mostly good. Still no good news on Clint's job. They did NOT get the big order they were hoping for, but as Clint tries to assure me, the several smaller deals that are in the works are going to be just as good. There is also the 8.6m grant from the government that is supposed to be coming in April... I guess I am just pessimistic...or realistic... I need answers and results.

Owen has started sleeping ALOT. He wakes up around 7-8, takes a little nap between 9 and 10, usually takes a big nap from around 12-4, and then comes the evening. Turns out the boy has colic. Every evening around 6ish, Clint says he cries and cries and there is no consoling him. I know it's because he is tired, but he won't sleep! He gets himself so workd up that he can't relax. Clint has found (since I am at work at that time every week night) that putting him in his carseat and walking him around the apartment or putting him on the dryer is the only thing that helps him fall asleep. Once he falls asleep, by the time he wakes back up, he is usually out of the colic period of the night. When I get home at 9 (oh how I wish I was home for the evening with my family, but instead I am proofreading legal documents), I snuggle him for a few minutes and make him smile, and then we start the bedtime routine. Bath, lotion, bottle, bed. In the past two weeks, he has gradually been building up the amount of time he sleeps, and Thursday or Wednesday he slept 10 hours!!! If he goes to bed around 10, I can almost guarantee he will sleep until 6:30. There has been two times in the past week that he woke up before morning. Once because I think he started choking on his saliva and then another time because I think he had gas. If he does wake up before morning now, it takes very little time to get him back to sleep. Thank God, because now that he does sleep through the night, I will be so sad if we have to start trading off middle of the night feeds.

We have also been putting him down to nap in his own room in his crib for daytime naps. At first it was in the carseat, but the past few days I have been laying him down on his back in his crib, and if he wakes up, he sucks his thumb and falls back asleep. I think this will make it easier for when we go to putting him in his own room for the night. I told Clint when he sleeps through the night every night for two weeks, we could try putting him in his own room.


He also smiles and talks so much these days, I am on the edge of my seat waiting for him to laugh for the first time! I can't wait! I think he tries, but he doesn't yet grasp that he can make the same sounds Mommy and Daddy make everytime he talks and smiles. He does understand conversation it seems. I talk and then wait for him to respond, and he does! He makes his little noises and then I talk back. And before, where I had to touch his cheeks or lips (which I still do if I am trying to get him to smile for strangers) if we are at home, and it's either me, Clint or my mom, he smiles if you only look at him. Someone told me today that he looked like the Gerber baby and that he could be a model for baby magazines. I think he's the cutest baby I've ever seen, but I'm partial.

I scheduled his baptism for April 26 at the early service at church! It's a tiny congregation compared to the 11am service, but we know the most people at the morning service, and it's more intimate and we love it. Owen is always fantastic through church. He is quiet and looks around, usually falls asleep towards the end, and seems to impress everyone. He is such a good little church-goer.

I'm having a hard time being at work these days. When I know Clint is home with Owen and he is being colicky, it's all I can think about. I don't think people who don't have kids can understand. I hate that if it were up to Owen, his bedtime would probably be 7:30 or 8, but we hold him off until I get home from work. For now, Clint and I will continue to fantasize about what it would be like to win the lottery. We always plan to help our parents with their debts, pay off all our debt, invest wisely, and of course take fantastic vacations.

Still reading Revolutionary Road. It's really good, but I have about five seconds a day to look at a book. We watched Role Models and half of Milk this weekend. I can't wait until Marley and Me, the Reader, Revolutionary Road and Benjamin Button come out on video.

Things to look forward to, Shannon may come visit this weekend, Virginia's baby shower is coming up, possibly seeing the HONORS, http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewProfile&friendID=313076515 (my friend Brandon's band) in Pittsburgh and seeing Nicole! And of course, my aunt visiting and seeing other relatives for Owen's baptism!

Good things.

The first day back...

So, I made it through the first day back to work...
The first two hours were easy, because in between working on small jobs, I showed people pictures and talked about Owey. After the first couple hours though, I started thinking about him a lot and I started to get really sad... I would think about his little smiling face. And his little ornery face... I missed him terribly. I was going to go home on my lunch break, but Owen was asleep, so I decided not to come home, so as not to disturb him. I managed to only call my mom twice and Clint once, and I only texted Clint twice. He sent me a picture message of Owen smiling :)

Clint said he was awake from like 6 to 8:40, and he's asleep now in the swing, but he still needs to take his antibiotic and is probably going to be starving here shortly. Clint is also asleep. I came home to both my men already asleep.

Now my mind is racing with a million different thoughts. Some of the things I am thinking about...

I started reading The Reader and although it's taking me some time, I'm starting to make some progress. I'm looking forward to seeing the movie. I also really want to see Revolutionary Road. Big Kate Winslet fan. I think she picks really fascinating characters... Some of my favorite films that she is in are Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Finding Neverland, Little Children... I love movies altogether.

I recently got a new phone when I renewed my cell phone contract. Just so happens, the best deal was on a BlackBerry. Even though I had to go through a rebate, I ended up only paying $20 for the phone. The phone, by the way, is awesome. It has a 2.0 megapixel camera, it has about a million functions, and it alerts me everytime I get an email or anything on my Facebook. It's so convenient for correspondence. I love it.

I also received the ring sling in the mail that I ordered from Etsy.com. I love it! I wish I would have had it since I brought him home from the hospital, it seems like he likes being "worn."

I'm practically giddy that the weather is improving. I can't wait to take Owen outside for walks!

I think my little man is waking up. I can't wait to snuggle him. Okay, time to refocus on the boy!

Oscar Wild

So, anyone who knows me personally knows how much of a movie fanatic I am. I just finished watching the 81st annual Academy Awards, and I am totally impressed. The past few years, I think they have been so bland that I considered not even watching this year. But, wow, what a show! Initial thoughts:
I loved the ensemble presentation of major awards. AND, the way they presented the scenes for the best picture, with clips from other films, that was AWESOME.
Kate Winslet is such a fantastic actress and I'm so glad she finally won.
I guess I really need to see Slumdog Millionaire.
Sean Penn's acceptance speech was really moving. I loved the part about the great shame felt by the future grandchildren of haters.
Heath Ledger, single tear.
I really, really loved The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. It is such a STORY, a spectacle, if you know what I mean. I can't wait to buy it when it comes out on DVD. If you have seen the movie, and know the story, you know the ending. Every time, even in little clips like the one at the Oscars, where Cate Blanchett bends down and kisses little toddler Benjamin, I start to BALL. I loved it.
I love Ben Kingsley's voice. I have sincerely loved it since he did a voice over for A.I., Artificial Intelligence. I think if he could narrate my life, or maybe read me bedtime stories, I would be a much calmer person.
Every year when they do the salute to people who have died in the past year, I always look for the people I really liked, like Paul Newman this year. I was especially looking out for Heath Ledger's clip, and it must have been the first friggin one, because I picked Owen up right at the beginning, and I somehow missed it? What movie was his clip from?
All in all, LOVED this year's show.
I don't have much time, because the bebe is waking up I think... But other things from the weekend:
Mary Beth is coming to visit!!! Yea!
We went to visit my brother in law and family. Owen got to spend some time with his cousins for the first time. Also, my youngest nephew is almost five months old. He has so much personality and is so expressive, I can't believe Owen will be where he is in just 3 and a half months. WOW.
Here are all the boys.

And me with Owen and his cousin, Justus.

-We found out Owen likes being in the car, as long as its moving. I sat in the car with him while Clint went into Walmart for 15 minutes and Owen screamed the entire time. He screamed so much he made himself sweat. He screamed so much he made me sweat. That was his first major "tantrum."
-Stopping the flow of breastmilk altogether is tricky, tricky business.
-I ordered a ring sling in the most beautiful fabric!!! I can't wait till it gets here! Partially because I really like the sling, and partially because Owen wakes up when I put him down after falling asleep on me. If I could carry him around and still get stuff done, my life would be a lot easier for the last 3 weeks of my leave.
I'm going to go get Owen out of his bassinett for the 3rd time